Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
