ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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