Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
