A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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