Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
