when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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