We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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