She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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