Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
