he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
