Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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