lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
