and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
