Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
