3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
honey bunches of taint.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
