Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ladies don't puke and tell
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize