why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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