Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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