I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
