if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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