My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
