i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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