Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
is it fun? or sober?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...