He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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