Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
