it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
