hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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