he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
