we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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