We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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