He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
