Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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