Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
