...so i touched it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
