Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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