dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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