2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
