Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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