finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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