I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
