I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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