So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
