No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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