3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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