Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
And then he peed in my hair
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