She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
