I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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