hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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