My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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