Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
