if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
