I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
