Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
