Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
