You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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