my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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