You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
