im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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