just tell him i said nine months
they need to just BURY HIM!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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