I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
