Your tits are I can't wait for
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
