WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
