I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dear god my vagina.
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