she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
