girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
