I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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