just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
