38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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