you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
