oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
