I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize