I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
