Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
