On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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