ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
