i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
