some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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