dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
