i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
