I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
